Rose's BlueBell Beat

BlueBellapalooza… The Morning After By: Rose Hattenbarger




It is the morning after BlueBellapalooza and I am putting the beat in BlueBell Beat. Man, what a day. And despite the success of the event and the consistent ping of Facebook friend requests I’ve been hearing since I woke up, I can’t help but feel somewhat adrift.

All I wanted was to earn some indie cred, but does my indie event being such a mainstream success make me a sellout? And are my new friends really my new friends, or do they only like me for my vicinity to celebrity?

Plus, now the pressure is totally on. Do I have to do a BlueBellapalooza every year? It was a lot of work. And I can’t assume that the crowd will be satisfied watching George Tucker rock out every year. This year was a fluke! I mean, the man can sing but he’s still George Tucker the lawyer. He’s no Bon Iver. He’s more like a beloved Harry Connick, Jr type, which is great, but doesn’t open any rock festivals.

So I’m thinking what I should do is just find a new niche. I guess I could put on a musical, but Dash kind of has that covered already. So maybe my thing will be interpretive art. Like I can put on an avant garde art show, and no one would get it and then the stakes would be much, much lower in the future.

But in the meantime, my phone has been ringing off the hook… so I guess I should ride the indie rock girl wave for at least a few more days.

Magnolia's Stupid Mandatory Homework Blog

More like Into the Lame… By: Magnolia Breeland



Well, Magnolia here. Writing this stupid blog for school again.  Today in English we read Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer, which I totally didn’t read because I already watched the movie, even though I really don’t get why people like Kristen Stewart. I mean, I can definitely sing and play the guitar way better than she can, that’s for sure. Plus, she’s not even pretty. But that’s not the point.

The point is, the book is about this guy, Alex, who gives up all his money and his home to go be independent and find the meaning of life or something. And I just don’t get why anyone would do that. I think that’s what Lemon’s doing right now, and it’s weird. She has this job at the Rammer Jammer, which is totally embarrassing, and she’s not letting Daddy help her or anything. Because she wants to be independent. But that can only end badly. Why would anyone want to be independent when their Daddy wants to take care of them? And she’s making it bad for me, too, because he’s being especially positive about her being all independent and stuff. He’s even trying to encourage me to go out into the world, and not help me out as much anymore, which is really a terrible idea! I need help, and so does Lemon.

I should really lend her the book because she should know that independence doesn’t always work out for the best. I mean, in the end this Alex kid ended up dying alone in a trailer in the middle of Alaska or something, and as much as I want to take Lemon’s room, I’m pretty sure she shouldn’t die alone. And maybe if that Alex guy had just asked his Daddy for shopping money, he wouldn’t have gotten himself into that mess.

The Tom Long and Short of It

Love Triangles By: Tom Long





I’ve never been entwined in a triangle of love

I’ve never been given that blessing from above

But BlueBell’s been talking about an interesting few

Who have been entertaining the idea of a relationship anew


Two men, one heart – and the fight shall begin

Zoe’s heart is not an easy one to win

Perhaps George will bring a bouquet of roses

And Wade will run to see her after the bar closes


I’m lucky to have my own charming girl

The thought of this triangle makes me want to hurl

Wanda, you’re great – let’s never fight

Zoe’s future with her beau may not look too bright


Though I am happy with my lady, I can say that’s true

I really wouldn’t mind being considered for the role, too

If love squares exist, I can be the fourth corner

Maybe someday Zoe will see me as a potential courter

Police Logs

Police Logs – Week 1 By: Police Logs

Tuesday – Authorities called in to investigate potential hostage situation at the Mayor’s Plantation. Authorities handled magnificently.

Wednesday through Saturday – Many reports of drunk and disorderly conduct at the Rammer Jammer, stemming from arguments over the dissolution of the Tucker/Breeland nuptials.

Mayor's Statement

Lemon Breeland: New BlueBell Feminist Icon? By: Rose Hattenbarger




Everyone’s still talking about George Tucker leaving Lemon at the altar and yes, it really is too bad. But amidst all the sighing and moaning about what Lemon is going to do, and how she isn’t qualified to do anything at all, I want to give her a message from all of us here at the BlueBell Beat (which is, well, me). You can survive this, Lemon! You don’t need a man! I believe that if Lemon Breeland pulls through, she can become a BlueBell feminist icon!

I hear Lemon is feeling a bit lost right now, so for her benefit I have put together a little list of Rose Hattenbarger-endorsed paths and hobbies that she can explore now that martial bliss has been taken off the table.

1) Start an indie rock band – Okay, I know I tell everyone to start an indie rock band, but I think Lemon really has what it takes. Lemon can learn the bass, AnnaBeth can be on drums, and that Crickett is an amazing singer! They can go on tour and meet all kinds of new and interesting people. I promise, a year on tour, Lemon won’t even remember George Tucker’s name.

2) Join the peace corps – Wouldn’t Lemon’s problems feel much smaller if she went to an impoverished nation and saw what their lives were like? Or she could try WOOFing! (The World Organization of Organic Farming, hello.) Waking up at the crack of dawn to work in the fields would really help her work through some of her issues. And wouldn’t some sun really do her good?

3) Get a tattoo -  Alright so maybe this isn’t a life change, but tattoos can be really empowering! Or so I’ve been told, my mom won’t let me get one. Which is maybe for the best, because this time last year I was dying for a “Frederick Dean forever” tattoo. But I’d be happy to give Lemon some suggestions. Maybe a lemon on her ankle! I think that would be really cool. And if a tattoo is too much, maybe an interesting piercing, or she could dye her hair black.

4) Learn a foreign language – How awesome would it be if Lemon heard people gossiping about her on the street and she just, bam, shot back at them in Mandarin or something! And knowing a foreign language would really come in handy when she and her band go on tour (see #1).

5) Become a nicer person – Okay, hear me out. Maybe, maybe, this would be a good time for Lemon to, I don’t know, stop being so snooty and judgmental. Maybe her public humiliation could teach her an important lesson about humiliating others. But you know, I’m not going to count on it. I’m assuming that next time I see Lemon, she will say something mean about what I’m wearing or the fact that I am friends with Dr. Hart. But maybe that’s good, because that’s how I’ll know that Lemon Breeland will survive.