Police Logs

9/25 – 10/8 By: Police Log

9/28 An unidentified woman was found asleep in the park while her children played on the swingset. Having accidentally dozed off, she blamed preparing for the Founder’s Day parade as her reason for her recent lack of sleep.

10/1 A major crash at the Founder’s Day Parade occurred. All possible BlueBell units responded. No serious injuries reported. Thank God.

10/3 BlueBell Fire Department responded to a distressed call of a pet cat stuck in a tree. Three hours and almost a pound of Kibble later, the cat was rescued safely.


Pet of the Week

BlueBell Pet of the Week! By: Pet of the Week

Diamond the Canary
Daughter of CLJ Jones High music teacher Lou Ann Barrett
Birthday: June 2nd – Total Gemini!
Favorite Food: Vegetarian! Love craisins, sunflower seeds, and carrots
Favorite Activity: Singing showtunes
Favorite Song to Belt Out: Marilyn Monroe’s “I Wanna Be Loved By You”
Favorite Sports Team: Do not follow sports
Favorite Movie: Some Like It Hot
Favorite Fellow Canary: Tweety Bird
Favorite Quote: “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.”


Pandemonium at the Parade By: Rose

The Founder’s Day parade has always been one of BlueBell’s biggest events. I can’t deny the fact that I, along with pretty much every other BlueBeller, am a huge fan of this day. What I love most about it is the creativity that goes into building the floats. They are extremely well made with intricate details that in my opinion, and without bias, come very close to Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade floats. Since the parade is such a big deal, everyone is always on their best behavior ensuring that things will go off without a hitch. This year went a whole lot differently. For starters, I got to ride in the mayor’s personal float. It was truly an honor and I am forever humbled. However, in an instant, things changed. I won’t point fingers because what happened was really just an accident. But it would be remiss of me not to mention it. Our float did crash and a scene was created. It’s funny how in all the years this town has been celebrating this holiday that it hasn’t happened before. I guess you could blame a certain somebody but I’m not one to do that. Especially this somebody who is a great and caring person as well as amazing at her job (ahem, I hope you readers are picking up on my inference and take note!). Anyway, even though there was quite the spectacle at the parade, it was still a fun day. One in which BlueBell will never forget. That’s for sure.

Ask Susie

Ask Susie By: Susie

Q: Dear Susie,

This is a big week. And I’m not talking about the Founder’s Day parade or the upcoming gumbo cook off. No, I have a more pressing concern. I’m going on my first blind date this weekend! Obviously, this isn’t something I normally do. I like to think I don’t need to, but I don’t think it’s any secret that we are in the midst of a crisis in BlueBell: an absolute drought of eligible bachelors. Is it so much to ask that a man be an attractive, churchgoing, family-minded, romantic, gainfully employed, clean-cut homeowner with enthusiasm for wine tasting and antiques? Apparently so. There are certainly none of these gentlemen hanging around at the Rammer Jammer. Trust me, I’ve looked.

Anyway, back to the problem at hand: I have no idea what to wear! It’s a lot of pressure — I want to seem fun and effortless, but not sloppy or — um — easy. My date lives in Mobile and we’ll be going out there, so I’m also looking for something suitably cosmopolitan. What is the absolute perfect ensemble?

Love is Blind (Not Really)

A: Dear Love is Blind,

You have probably heard this before, but it bears repeating: Just be yourself, especially if yourself is a fine young lady from BlueBell, Alabama. Chances are he’s probably just as nervous as you! Of course, it’s not inappropriate to dress up just a bit – after all, it’s nice to show you’re taking this evening, and this man, somewhat seriously. How about a nice dress (nothing too tight — you don’t want to turn down dessert after a perfectly delightful dinner because you can’t breathe, do you?), a cardigan in case the evening gets chilly, and a pair of simple flats for any after-dinner strolling and chatting? Don’t forget a dash of perfume — everybody likes somebody who smells good! A nice manicure in a neutral shade complements any outfit and does wonders for confidence. Also, a little peachy lip gloss and a touch of blush never hurt anybody (neither did a coat of mascara, plus it really makes the eyes pop!). Maybe drop by Mane Street for a blowout the day of to really put your best foot forward. Just remember that in the end, it’s what inside that counts! Good luck!

Yours Truly,

Dash DeWitt

Drum Major Fail By: Dash DeWitt

The 4th of July. Apple Pie. The bald eagle. Ryan Seacrest. And of course, the Cyrus Lavinius Jeremiah Jones High School marching band. These are things that scream America. And I am sad to report that at this year’s Founder’s Day parade, the CLJ Jones HS marching band gave a performance so lackluster that it disgraced not just the town of BlueBell, but the whole United States.

Where do I begin? The song choices were unoriginal and uninspired. “You’re a Grand Old Flag?” Really? When I was the drum major at CLJ Jones High (let’s just say it was the class of ’97), we aspired for originality. We were the first marching band in Alabama history to march to the entire score of “Sweeney Todd.” We ended up in Wetumpka by the time we were done, but it was worth it. I do not see any of this kind of commitment from today’s marchers, only half-hearted performances of hackneyed dribble.

To single out some low points, Michael Coburn was absolutely abysmal on the clarinet. I hear Coburn is the president of the Abstinence Club at CLJJHS, and his performance in the parade should help keep him on track. Joey Potts took a break from his QB2 duties to massacre the saxophone. Joey, stick to football – this sports-to-arts swinging may work for those “High School Musical” kids, but there’s no place for that in our beloved marching band. And are there even words to describe what Molly Jane Ennis did to the trombone? It would take seventy-six trombones (or more) to drown out that garbage.

Now I know you’re thinking, “Dash, they’re just children!” But if we don’t treat them like professionals, will they ever perform as such? I’m sure Bennie Goodman, Wayne Shorter and Glenn Miller all received criticism as teens. How else would they have gotten to be so good? The only reason I am harsh is because I care. And if these kids pull their acts together, practice 24/7, and search for their inner music buried deep within then maybe, just maybe, they can be almost halfway decent one day.