Fame. Pride. Glory. Fabulousness. These are the themes that are often associated with the coveted Miss Cinnamon Cider crown. This year’s race was one of the most competitive and talked about in the pageant’s history. Legacy pointed to Magnolia Breeland as the clear favorite, while the unlikely Rose Hattenbarger emerged as a possible, dark horse, sympathy candidate. But ultimately, the crown went to yodeler Sally Lenk.
Now that I can take off my impartial judging hat, let the real judgment begin! Here are my candid reviews of the participants.
Best Dressed: As per usual, Magnolia Breeland was the most fashionable tween on the block. Maybe that had something to do with Lemon buying every dress at Dottie’s Dress Shop! Too bad Lemon couldn’t buy up all the talent in BlueBell, am I right?
Worst Dressed: That distinction would have to go to Mary Beth Kinsey, who clearly didn’t get the memo that pantsuits are not okay for Miss Cinnamon Cider. Really, who do you think you are Mary Beth, Diane Keaton?
Best Talent: Obviously our winner, Sally Lenk. I know, I know, I was just as surprised as you are! I have never been one for yodeling, but it was so beautiful. I hadn’t cried that hard since I heard Bernadette Peters sing “Losing My Mind” in Follies.
Worst Talent: Hey, Molly Jane Ennis, Andrew Lloyd Weber called. He said that shallow little girls aren’t allowed to sing “Memory” from Cats for talent competitions anymore. ‘Kay, thanks.
Best Spirit: I was surprised as anyone to hear the usually behind-the-scenes Rose Hattenbarger would be participating in the pageant this year, but she was a real asset! Big smile, good attitude. If only her talent hadn’t been clogging. Not a fan of that dreadful stomping sound.
Worst Stage Mother: This goes to our five-year reigning champion, Phyllis Green. In years past, Mrs. Green has written me a series of threatening letters. This year, she outdid herself. Not only did she throw eggs at my house but she also TP’d it. Talk about a waste of some good omelettes as well as bathroom tissue! I’m sorry Mrs. Green, your daughter is 29 years old. She is not eligible to participate in the pageant.
Worst Stage Mother Runners-Up: Tie between Lemon Breeland and Zoe Hart! Though not actual mothers, these mentors ended up needing some wisdom themselves. Though something tells me the rivalry between them wasn’t actually about the pageant…