Dash DeWitt

Judgment Day By: Dash DeWitt

Fame. Pride. Glory. Fabulousness. These are the themes that are often associated with the coveted Miss Cinnamon Cider crown. This year’s race was one of the most competitive and talked about in the pageant’s history. Legacy pointed to Magnolia Breeland as the clear favorite, while the unlikely Rose Hattenbarger emerged as a possible, dark horse, sympathy candidate. But ultimately, the crown went to yodeler Sally Lenk.

Now that I can take off my impartial judging hat, let the real judgment begin! Here are my candid reviews of the participants.

Best Dressed: As per usual, Magnolia Breeland was the most fashionable tween on the block. Maybe that had something to do with Lemon buying every dress at Dottie’s Dress Shop! Too bad Lemon couldn’t buy up all the talent in BlueBell, am I right?

Worst Dressed: That distinction would have to go to Mary Beth Kinsey, who clearly didn’t get the memo that pantsuits are not okay for Miss Cinnamon Cider. Really, who do you think you are Mary Beth, Diane Keaton?

Best Talent: Obviously our winner, Sally Lenk. I know, I know, I was just as surprised as you are! I have never been one for yodeling, but it was so beautiful. I hadn’t cried that hard since I heard Bernadette Peters sing “Losing My Mind” in Follies.

Worst Talent: Hey, Molly Jane Ennis, Andrew Lloyd Weber called. He said that shallow little girls aren’t allowed to sing “Memory” from Cats for talent competitions anymore. ‘Kay, thanks.

Best Spirit: I was surprised as anyone to hear the usually behind-the-scenes Rose Hattenbarger would be participating in the pageant this year, but she was a real asset! Big smile, good attitude. If only her talent hadn’t been clogging. Not a fan of that dreadful stomping sound.

Worst Stage Mother: This goes to our five-year reigning champion, Phyllis Green. In years past, Mrs. Green has written me a series of threatening letters. This year, she outdid herself. Not only did she throw eggs at my house but she also TP’d it. Talk about a waste of some good omelettes as well as bathroom tissue! I’m sorry Mrs. Green, your daughter is 29 years old. She is not eligible to participate in the pageant.

Worst Stage Mother Runners-Up:  Tie between Lemon Breeland and Zoe Hart! Though not actual mothers, these mentors ended up needing some wisdom themselves. Though something tells me the rivalry between them wasn’t actually about the pageant…

The Tom Long and Short of It

A Cinquain for Zoe By: Tom Long

Zoe
Girl of my dreams
I watch, I wish, I wait
Healer of wounds, breaker of hearts
Doctor

Police Logs

11/27 – 12/3 By: Police Logs

11/28 A small fire started at the annual Planksgiving Fish Fry. Luckily, members of the fire department were in attendance and therefore knew how to properly extinguish the fire.

Rose's BlueBell Beat

Teenagers & Tiaras By: Rose

If you were to ask me last week if I ever thought I’d be a contestant in the Miss Cinnamon Cider Beauty Pageant, I would have said, “yeah freaking right! No way would you ever find me taking part in such an archaic and demeaning display of misogyny.” But then I had a change of heart, or rather, a change of Hart, thanks to Dr. Hart. Perhaps I had been unfairly judgmental about the pageant. Maybe the Miss Cinnamon Cider Beauty Pageant was actually a good place for a teenage girl to express her true self. I mean, let’s be honest. Where else am I going to be able to showcase my talent for clog dancing? Well, after a little rough patch (what’s a beauty pageant without one?), I was ready to take the stage. And you know what, it was actually really fun to get up there and clomp my feet. People seemed to actually enjoy it (and if you didn’t, I appreciate you feigning enthusiasm). Sadly, I didn’t win. But luckily, neither did the other girl in the pageant named after a flower (no, I’m not talking about Lily Michaels or Daisy Conover or Violet Reid). However, I think the pageant was beneficial for many reasons. First, it allowed for me to get to know certain people better. People who I always thought I’d hate with a burning passion. Second, it gave me confidence to not hold back on my true self. I appreciate all your help, Dr. Hart, for helping me see that I am unique and that’s something should be celebrated.

AnnaBeth

Merry Christmas From the Glendinning Mansion Holiday Open House! By: AnnaBeth

‘Tis the season for presents, playoffs, pageants, and pretty decorations. Lemon was extra-busy making sure her gorgeous, talented sister Magnolia earned her rightful title of Miss Cinnamon Cider – of course Dr. Zoe Hart had to try and ruin poor Lemon’s (and little Magnolia’s) pageant, just like she does with everything else. Maybe if Zoe had a boyfriend, or a life of her own, she could stop meddling in everyone else’s. Well, Lemon was so busy dealing with the meddlesome Dr. Hart that she actually let the other Belles and I do more than our usual share of work with the other Belle Christmas projects. ‘Tis a busy, busy season to be a BlueBell Belle! For example, every year, the historical society handpicks several of the most prestigious community groups to decorate rooms in the old Glendinning Mansion. Proceeds from the holiday open house go towards buying gifts for needy children. Or restoring the mansion floors scuffed during the month-long event. The treasurer’s always a little vague. But there is a Toys 4 Tots drop-off at the local Dixie Stop, so regardless, y’all should find it in your hearts to support local poor kids during this season of giving.

Anyhoo, this year’s theme for the open house is Songs of the Season! So of course we chose to do a “Carol of the Belles” room. Isn’t that so precious?! We got one of the best rooms in the mansion – the formal dining room – and we’ve filled it with lots and lots of caroling dolls. Not those giant, tacky ones you’d find wobbling about in some hick’s front yard next to a lit-up plastic snow globe but rather the quaint ones that look like they’re from ye olde England. And when you walk into our room — with a fire crackling in the fireplace, and wreaths and mistletoe and trees decorated with these darling vintage ornaments, and our super-secret blend of candles and potpourri that reminds you of the best Christmas you’ve ever had — you really do feel like you are surrounded by a village of rosy-cheeked peasants singing wassail to you.

We were working late one evening, waiting for the stain to dry on our miniature organ and pulpit, when I got locked in the room… for almost two hours. And I’m sure it was the fumes, or the fact that I’d only eaten a biscuit and half a peach all day because of the humungous stress of wanting to get everything just so… But ohmigod, being alone with all of those dolls! It was like there was nowhere to hide from their little beady eyes. And why are all their mouths open? They started to look like that awful painting – you know, the one that looks like a melted crayon drawing of the Home Alone kid. I know they’re supposed to be caroling, but couldn’t some of them be ringing bells? Or holding songbooks? I mean, is it realistic to think that they’ve all memorized every carol – even the ones no one remembers like Good King Wenceslas? Thankfully, Crickett came back with the miniature Douglas firs and freed me before I went nutcrackers!

Now don’t let my momentary fright keep you from visiting. As usual, the Glendinning Mansion is a must-see this holiday season – and you will be singing its praises the minute you walk through the door!