Mayor's Statement

Lemon Breeland: New BlueBell Feminist Icon? By: Rose Hattenbarger




Everyone’s still talking about George Tucker leaving Lemon at the altar and yes, it really is too bad. But amidst all the sighing and moaning about what Lemon is going to do, and how she isn’t qualified to do anything at all, I want to give her a message from all of us here at the BlueBell Beat (which is, well, me). You can survive this, Lemon! You don’t need a man! I believe that if Lemon Breeland pulls through, she can become a BlueBell feminist icon!

I hear Lemon is feeling a bit lost right now, so for her benefit I have put together a little list of Rose Hattenbarger-endorsed paths and hobbies that she can explore now that martial bliss has been taken off the table.

1) Start an indie rock band – Okay, I know I tell everyone to start an indie rock band, but I think Lemon really has what it takes. Lemon can learn the bass, AnnaBeth can be on drums, and that Crickett is an amazing singer! They can go on tour and meet all kinds of new and interesting people. I promise, a year on tour, Lemon won’t even remember George Tucker’s name.

2) Join the peace corps – Wouldn’t Lemon’s problems feel much smaller if she went to an impoverished nation and saw what their lives were like? Or she could try WOOFing! (The World Organization of Organic Farming, hello.) Waking up at the crack of dawn to work in the fields would really help her work through some of her issues. And wouldn’t some sun really do her good?

3) Get a tattoo -  Alright so maybe this isn’t a life change, but tattoos can be really empowering! Or so I’ve been told, my mom won’t let me get one. Which is maybe for the best, because this time last year I was dying for a “Frederick Dean forever” tattoo. But I’d be happy to give Lemon some suggestions. Maybe a lemon on her ankle! I think that would be really cool. And if a tattoo is too much, maybe an interesting piercing, or she could dye her hair black.

4) Learn a foreign language – How awesome would it be if Lemon heard people gossiping about her on the street and she just, bam, shot back at them in Mandarin or something! And knowing a foreign language would really come in handy when she and her band go on tour (see #1).

5) Become a nicer person – Okay, hear me out. Maybe, maybe, this would be a good time for Lemon to, I don’t know, stop being so snooty and judgmental. Maybe her public humiliation could teach her an important lesson about humiliating others. But you know, I’m not going to count on it. I’m assuming that next time I see Lemon, she will say something mean about what I’m wearing or the fact that I am friends with Dr. Hart. But maybe that’s good, because that’s how I’ll know that Lemon Breeland will survive.