Magnolia's Stupid Mandatory Homework Blog

One Month More (also, Thanksgiving happened and that was cool) By: Magnolia Breeland



First off, can I just say that it’s one month until LES MIZ comes out and I am so excited?! I’ve watched the trailer like a thousand times. Literally. I have it on repeat on my iPad. I’ve been singing all the songs and I have to admit, I could totally pull off Cosette. No offense, Amanda Seyfried. I know you were in like Mamma Mia and whatnot. But I would have killed it.

“There is a castle on a cloud, I like to go there in my sleep…”

Alright, Dad. Geez. He’s been claiming to get a lot of migraines lately. But it’s only when I sing songs from LES MIZ. He’s obviously totally uncultured.

But it’s the time of the year for goodwill and giving back, so I will find it in my heart to cut my dad some slack. Of course, he could do the same and let my voice be heard. (I shouted that part, so he could hear my disgust.)

Anyway, Thanksgiving was last week. And in school, we learned about the Pilgrims and the Native Americans sitting down together and breaking bread – or, breaking turkey rather. It all seemed kind of stupid at first, since obviously Planksgiving is the superior holiday, but it ended up being kind of interesting. Because sure, they fought over land and religion and the English bringing their disease-infested selves over here. But I have to say, I think all the problems really stemmed from their wardrobe differences. The Pilgrims are dressed all drab in black and white with those stupid little bonnets. And the Native Americans went all out sporting bright colors and feathers. They were totally more fashionable.

Which is the real lesson here: Incorporating color into your wardrobe can make the world a better place. That will bring about true change and happiness. You heard it here first, kids. Or, I guess the Native Americans said it first. But in a whole other language.  Glad I could translate for you.

Magnolia's Stupid Mandatory Homework Blog

Waxing Poetic, whatever that means… By: Magnolia Breeland



I want to apologize to all my loyal readers for being away for a few weeks. But it was Halloween, and well, you know. Finding a costume is, like, so not easy. Because first I was gonna be Madonna. No, not the yoga-Buddha-mother-to-Lola Madonna. “Boy Toy” Madonna. Like legit. And then Lemon announces she’s going to be Marilyn Monroe. I mean, come on. So then, I had to go all the way back to the drawing board and think of something else, totally opposite of Lemon. But 180 degrees from Marilyn Monroe is all boring. What was I gonna be? A nun? No way. So I told Daddy that I would pass out candy instead. And that’s what I did.

(Sorry, Ms. Bradburn for rambling on about Halloween. But this is a national holiday and totally a current event, so it’s important. Plus, I think my readers would want to know.)

Anyway, back to boring-ville. This week in school, we had to write original poems. Which was actually quite the opposite of boring. And naturally, as a singer-songwriter in the making, my poems were the best. I won’t tell you who I wrote about (but his name rhymes with “Made”). My rhyme scheme was really something special. Unlike, my classmates who can be totally cheesy. I mean, “Love means never having to watch football. Now give me your all, my Jamal.” Ugh.)

I learned a lot about myself and the kind of relationship I want. For example, I want my guy to watch Gossip Girl with me but I don’t want him to talk during it. I want him to take me to concerts but I don’t want him singing in my ear. Of course, I can sing. In fact, the performer might even ask me to come on stage with him or her. One never knows. Things like that just happen to me.

Magnolia's Stupid Mandatory Homework Blog

Fight the Power! By: Magnolia Breeland



Well here I am again- I almost didn’t write a blog this week because it is so boring that half the time I feel like I need to drink some coffee just so I can stay awake- and I don’t even like coffee. It tastes gross!  Why every adult has to start their day with a giant cup of it is beyond me.  But, I do really want that new phone, and to be honest it does feel kind of good when I know I did my homework… I guess.  Don’t tell my Dad you read that though.

Anyway, Ms. Bradburn told us that everyone was complaining about silly things in their blogs, so now we have to write about what we learned in school for the day (as if this assignment could get any worse) so here it goes… Today in my biology class we had to dissect frogs, which was one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever heard of!  Who does that anymore?  I mean really, what is it supposed to teach us?  Are we living in 1962?  Other than the fact that I never EVER want to be a doctor, veterinarian, or anything where you have to work near a swamp, what am I supposed to learn from this?  I already knew I never want any of those careers anyway (after years of watching my Daddy getting all up in people’s ear wax, I’ll pass) so even that isn’t much of a lesson.  The frogs reek and they are soaked in the same stuff as dead people!  I don’t want to smell like that and I certainly don’t want to touch it.  I don’t even like to catch frogs outside, why would I want to play around with a dead one??

After I refused to participate with my group (mostly because I didn’t want to get frog juice on my new denim jacket) my teacher said I was being disruptive and threatened to give me detention.  I told him I’d be happy to go to detention so that way I could spend plenty of time writing letters to every animal rights group in the country about how a mean teacher made a sweet, innocent, very pretty high school girl cut up a dead frog while she cried and told him she didn’t believe in it.  Guess what happened?!?  The short version is he gave me a B on the assignment.  So I guess I did learn something in my Biology class today- that I’m a great negotiator!  Looks like the Breelands might have a future lawyer in the family!  See Lemon, George Tucker wasn’t our only hope.

Magnolia's Stupid Mandatory Homework Blog

Life is still giving me Lemons… By: Magnolia Breeland




This week in school we started to read Oliver Twist, and I guess we’re supposed to feel all bad for him because he’s an orphan. But honestly, I can think of worse things than not having stupid parents or a stupid sister getting in your space.

Yep, you guessed it, my sister Lemon is still living with me and Daddy!  I can’t explain how disappointed I actually am because Daddy says we need to be there for Lemon in her time of need, but what about my time of need?  Like what about my need to NOT have someone breathing down my neck every time I have to do homework (she’s standing over my shoulder as I type)?  Or also, my need for a large, walk-in closet. I have way too many clothes for their current storage space and they get all jammed together, which is why they’re supposed to be in my new, huge closet, in my new, huge bedroom, that unfortunately Lemon is still acting like she’s the queen of.

I guess one good way to look at Lemon still living with us is that it’s made me spend a lot more time away from the house, playing my music.  I really love playing the guitar and I’ve been writing a bunch of new songs- Rose Hattenbarger even asked me to play in the town music festival recently. It was really cool!  You know, sometimes Rose isn’t so bad.  Still though, it just made me realize even more that I can’t wait till I’m 18 so I can move to Nashville and become a big country star.  The day I get out of BlueBell will be the best day of my life!  Until then, I guess I’ll just be doing homework and practically living like an Amish person under Lemon’s roof, unless I’m lucky like Oliver Twist and some rich old dude adopts me and buys me a mansion.

Magnolia's Stupid Mandatory Homework Blog

More like Into the Lame… By: Magnolia Breeland



Well, Magnolia here. Writing this stupid blog for school again.  Today in English we read Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer, which I totally didn’t read because I already watched the movie, even though I really don’t get why people like Kristen Stewart. I mean, I can definitely sing and play the guitar way better than she can, that’s for sure. Plus, she’s not even pretty. But that’s not the point.

The point is, the book is about this guy, Alex, who gives up all his money and his home to go be independent and find the meaning of life or something. And I just don’t get why anyone would do that. I think that’s what Lemon’s doing right now, and it’s weird. She has this job at the Rammer Jammer, which is totally embarrassing, and she’s not letting Daddy help her or anything. Because she wants to be independent. But that can only end badly. Why would anyone want to be independent when their Daddy wants to take care of them? And she’s making it bad for me, too, because he’s being especially positive about her being all independent and stuff. He’s even trying to encourage me to go out into the world, and not help me out as much anymore, which is really a terrible idea! I need help, and so does Lemon.

I should really lend her the book because she should know that independence doesn’t always work out for the best. I mean, in the end this Alex kid ended up dying alone in a trailer in the middle of Alaska or something, and as much as I want to take Lemon’s room, I’m pretty sure she shouldn’t die alone. And maybe if that Alex guy had just asked his Daddy for shopping money, he wouldn’t have gotten himself into that mess.