Dash DeWitt

A Planksgiving Pageant to Remember By: Dash DeWitt




The reviews are in (well, my review), and all the critics (me) agree that this years Planksgiving Pageant (directed, produced and written by me) was a resounding success!

This year’s pageant followed the usual script. Reverend Mayfair played our town’s founder, Cyrus Lavinius Jeremiah Jones, who heroically fed the people of BlueBell in the wake of a devastating hurricane. Tom Long and Cody Strong played the seemingly fiendish but ultimately kind-hearted pirates that helped Cyrus Lavinius catch enough fish to feed the whole town. Wanda Lewis co-starred as Esmeralda, a role of my own creation, the saucy pirate wench that captures the hearts of BlueBell’s men with a sultry song.

Other original songs included “I am Cyrus Lavinius Jeremiah Jones,” “Thanks for these Planks,” and “Other Fish to Fry.” In the latter, the cast members actually fried fish onstage and fed them to the audience!

Other interactive elements were added to the show this year, inspired by last year’s treasure hunt for the Hilson family. Bits of “treasure” were hidden throughout town square, and lucky winners were invited to take a picture with the members of the cast!

Members of the town approached after the show for quotes were clearly overwhelmed and breath taken by what they had just seen. “I thought it was really great,” said Tom Long. While I stared at him, he added, “Really, really great.”

“Best show I’ve ever seen,” said resident Earl Kinsella, whose usual moniker of Crazy Earl does not apply here.

“To me it seemed like the same music from the Gilbert & Sullivan revue with the words changed to be about Planksgiving,” said Eugenia Todd, who obviously knows nothing about the nuances of musical theater.

Auditions for next year’s Planksgiving Pageant will commence tomorrow afternoon in Town Square. All roles are currently open, though maybe I’ll take a crack at CLJJ this year! Who knows? What I do know, is that this year’s will be hard to top. Though I say that every year, and always pull it off…

Dash DeWitt

Dash DeWitt Supports Lavon Hayes By: Dash DeWitt




Voters may be waiting for the debate, but The Blawer is already convinced: we fully endorse another term for Mayor Lavon Hayes.

Despite Mayor Hayes rebuffing me as campaign manager and going with a greenhorn, Lemon Breeland is running a clean campaign—kudos to her.  Meanwhile, Ruby Jeffries debases the political conversation by resorting to mudslinging.  The facts were still coming in when Ms. Jeffries alerted The BlueBell Gazette about a potential Hayes scandal that turned out to be false.  This is not an attempt to disqualify Ruby Jeffries; this is about supporting a man with a sterling record.


The facts:

Our economy is thriving.  Business is booming at the Rammer Jammer, Butterstick Bakery, and Pageturners.

He’s been tough on crime, even though we don’t have much in the terms of crime.

The streets are spotless.  Think back, do you recall any litter during his tenure?

There’s almost always sunshine.  You would be surprised what an enterprising mayor is capable of.

This is why The Blawker wants more of the same… the same ole success.

Dash DeWitt

Dueling Salesmen: A Dash DeWitt Theater Experience By: Dash DeWitt



Dash DeWitt here, finally ready to share the harrowing but inspiring tale of this year’s Broadway pilgrimage. A tale of despair and a tale of hope. A tale of artistic failure and triumph. Let me explain.

This year I planned to see the kicky 1960s romp, “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.”  I was anticipating a fun-filled, raucous evening of catchy songs, pencil skirts and Jonas Brothers. However, due to a grave error, my now former travel agent got me tickets to the Philip Seymour Hoffman revival of Arthur Miller’s “Death of a Salesman.”

Now I know what you’re thinking. “Dash, it’s a classic!” “Dash, it was directed by stage/screen/comedy legend Mike Nichols!” “But Dash, you love Andrew Garfield!” These things are all true. But I am a man of principle, and my number one principle states that it is not worth going to see a Broadway show if there is no singing and/or dancing in it. I went all the way to New York and didn’t see one glittery costume! Talk about “attention must be paid!”

So when I returned to BlueBell, I set out to right this wrong, and four weeks later launched my original opus, the new Dash DeWitt musical “Dance of a Salesman!” (Yes, the exclamation point is part of the title.) An all-star BlueBell cast featured Eric Sunberg as Willy Loman, Beverly Mayfair as Linda Loman, and Tom Long as Biff.

Since the dreary ending of the original play obviously wouldn’t work for a musical, “Dance of a Salesman!” ends with Willy Loman’s proud family watching as his wins salesman of the year. At the ceremony Willy announces he is retiring, so he and Linda can take some time to travel the world. He hands off the family business to Biff, and they do a grand tap number to symbolize the passing of the torch. And then they actually pass a torch! The pyrotechnics in this show were divine, if I do say so myself.

Original songs included, “You Can’t Put a Price on a Salesman,” “Happy’s Happy To Live at Home,” and the big finale, “Attention Has Been Paid!” My original plan for Willy and Linda to ride in on an elephant during the finale did not pan out, so they led Burt Reynolds in on a leash instead. That had its own majesty, but I may try again with the elephant when we revive it.

So although my theater trip this year was incredibly disappointing, I am grateful that it inspired me to create my opus. And what kind of artist would I be if I couldn’t pull a glorious phoenix from the ashes of mediocrity?

Final reviews:

Death of a Salesman: C -

Dance of a Salesman!: A+

Dash DeWitt

Culture Update from Dash DeWitt By: Dash DeWitt


Hang onto your hats fellow cinema lovers! I have some blockbuster news. You heard it here first: Metzger’s Movie Haus is expanding! BlueBellians will at long last be treated to the duo-plex that they want and they deserve. That’s right! TWO screens! A theatrical equivalent of a jitter-inducing double shot from our very own Butter Stick Bakery.

So grab your sweetie, pack a sweater, and get ready for some mediocre popcorn. (I’m looking at you Mrs. Metzger. What are we, in a butter shortage?)  I myself will be catching a screening of Pitch Perfect this Friday. It looks to be a veritable smorgasbord of my absolute favorite things: all-male Acappella, all-female Acapella, and Workaholics star Adam Devine. That boy is an absolute gem! Hollywood, are you listening?

Until next time!

Dash DeWitt

Going to the Chapel By: Dash DeWitt

Thank goodness William and Kate got married last year because that means George and Lemon will definitely win 2012’s coveted “Wedding of the Year” award. Their big day is less than a week away! A week away! Can you believe it?! This wedding has been in the making for years and I am so excited I will be in attendance. George and Lemon are certainly BlueBell royalty and I’m sure no expense will be lost at this wedding. I, for one, cannot wait. I even bought a brand new three piece suit as well as purchased a beautiful top hat to go with it. After Lemon, I will probably be the best-dressed person at the wedding. Just kidding. Not really.

Check out their wedding site to get excited for the big day. Make sure to sign the guestbook! http://georgeandlemon.ourwedding.com/